TOKYO, JAPAN — About an hour after Square Enix took over Eidos Game Studios, Square’s Lead Game Designer, Maikeru Rairi, unveiled his plans for a Final Fantasy game featuring Lara Croft.

“This corporate takeover is not only a great opportunity for us to have a greater presence in the West,” said Rairi, “But it also affords us an invaluable excuse to incorporate some high-profile boobs into our franchise.”

We asked Rairi to tell us some of the game’s features. “First off, remember the game has boobs in it. Next, it has Lara Croft and probably a bunch of stuff we’re lifting straight from Final Fantasy 7. Imagine Tomb Raider with Materia and Moogles — you basically have the game right there. The main challenge for us during the design phase was to imagine what Lara Croft herself would fantasize about. We don’t want to give too much away at this stage, but we will say that it has alot to do with Lulu and Fran.”

Modders Net-wide have already begun working on their own additions to the upcoming game.

“I’m already beta-testing ‘Poon Raider’, which is a mod along the lines of GTA’s Hot Coffee,” commented one modding guru, who’s name is irrelevant. “Fans everywhere will finally be able to have Lara and Tifa in the sack, performing one Limit Break after the next. I’m also going to include Yuffie, just because the opening to let her shoplift the pootie is too wide to be ignored. Aerith might be included, but she was always boring, so I’ll just have her outfit available for Tifa to wear.”