If I were Satan, I wouldn’t go with a blazing inferno. Nor would I choose a freezing tundra. I’d roll with the contrast, turning the themostat up and down randomly. I’d also change the shape of the infinite labyrinth to reflect Hello Kitty’s face.

There would be no floors at all so that souls would have to navigate through a maze with randomized gravity. Meanwhile an eternal soundtrack would be powered by Bjork wailing out Metallica’s Reload album through a copy of SingStar. No bass.

Finally, the only video games available would have to be played through a dusty Virtual Boy. With bass.

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