HOLLYWOOD, CA — After director Michael Bay blows the Thundercats movie, PopCap Games reportedly has plans to further suckify the franchise by releasing Thundercats: The Video Game as yet another Bejeweled clone.

“We have full intentions of boring the broadest audience we can with the Thundercats IP,” said PopCap marketing director Sarah Clump. “If we tried to develop a high-calibur action title or a first-person shooter, we might alienate our casual userbase with $10 to waste on a puzzle clone. So instead, we’re making all the ‘gems’ Thundercats logos to ensure that the insignia is harshly burned into a second, equally unsuspecting generation. It’s marketing…”

No plans have been made to include the main villain of the Thundercats, Mumm-Ra, in any meaningful way. “We didn’t want him to intimidate our younger, female demographic with his large pectoral muscles,” continued Clump. “We believe that Thundercats: The Game will contrast nicely against our other non-intimidating titles. Hopefully to the point that males will keep snickering at our logo on sight. It’s branding…”

It is apparent that PopCap’s bid to tackle Thundercats: The Video Game is a shadowy attempt to unseat the industry’s love affair with licensing powerful physics engines like Unreal and Havok. Convinced that the only physics gamers really need is 2D motion along a grid, PopCap has hinted that they have made advances towards acquiring licenses for other beloved 80s franchises such as G.I. Joe and He-Man. In time, PopCap can quite possibly become the Uwe Boll of casual PC game developers.

It’s coming…